i have trouble understanding things

i have trouble understanding things. i am constantly mystified, which is okay. mystified can be a beautiful state to be in, especially when looking up into the sky, or into the branches of a tree, but most of the time i just feel helpless, or stupid, like i drank too much beer.

I can follow what people are saying, but when they finish i find that instead of listening to them i have been mulling over their first few words, trying them myself, wondering how they chose them. there are so many words to choose from and so many things to talk about. if i am in a shop or buying a ticket on the bus it is okay, i know what to say, but if i am just being there with other people, i don't know which words to use.

i have read a lot of books, fact books, not story books, but they just add to my confusion. writing is a lot like talking and some writers, like some talkers, take a long time to say anything, so i mainly read books for children. people who write for children don't complicate things. maggie at the library gets me books from other libraries because i've read all the books they have.

i think there must be a book out there with a few simple facts in it that would straighten me out. i feel like everyone knows which book i'm talking about and they have all read it except for me. i know this isn't true. i don't think that everyone is keeping a secret from me, but i do think that what i need to know is out there somewhere, in a book, because everyone seems to do the same things, so someone must have noticed it and written it down, if not how to do those things then how they are done. if i don't find it soon i'm going to start writing it myself.